The big ball of sunshine you usually see is already fading right before your very eyes.

Maybe its just me but somehow there's a lingering feeling of loneliness in me these days. SPM is over and college hasn't started yet so i should be enjoying my free time but instead why am i having this feeling of dread? Life just seems to be getting more and more lonely once i've grown up. I've faced challenges that mostly everyone has also been through but sometimes it feels like i'm still stuck there and not moving on. Sure things are said to be going fine but deep down are you really able to forgive and forget? I think not. Everyone makes mistakes and the right thing to do is to apologise and ask for forgiveness but at the end of the day its whether the person you've just hurt is able to forgive you. Sure if your mistake is something as light as accidentally tripping her/him and making them fall, it'll definitely be easily forgiven. But what if the mistake goes beyond that? Lying, not admitting that you're wrong, pushing that person away and allowing stupid idiotic rumors get to you before even hearing their explanation? Is that something worth forgiving? Even if you have a really big heart and you treasure that person dearly, yes you still say. You still would forgive them, but i'm 99.99999 percent sure that the nice, kind, loyal, loving perception you have for that person would change. People might think that the close relationship remains but deep down, you and the other party would be the only one to know that the relationship can never be the same. Hmmm, even after typing it out, i'm still bugged by something. I dont really know what it is but it feels horrible and i hate it.

I know i say things like i want to live my life with no regrets but sometimes things just hit me! Like BAM! Why did you have to say that shit? Why did you have to do that crap? Is that really necessary? Why did you have to make someone feel worse than how they already feel? Why cant you just please people? What gives you the right to get angry? Cant you just keep your mouth shut? Who are you to him? How does she feel about you now? WHY DID YOU HAVE YOU MAKE THAT IDIOTIC MISTAKE?

Its funny how people come to me when they have problems and i can talk to them and reason with them. I can even give some killer advises sometimes, but the thing i dont get is, why cant i take those advises myself? Or rather, why cant i go to someone and talk things out when i have problem? All i do is cry myself to sleep, what the fuck does that do huh? How will that help me with my unsolved problems? It cant! I feel so useless and hopeless sometimes.

And for a person that has considerably big eyes, i can be pretty blind. -.- Not just about looking at how someones true self is but in finding physical things. An object i'm looking for can be right in front of me but i wont be able to see it. I guess my eyes are sometimes just there as a decorative piece. Hmmm, ohh well. Life is such.

I feel like an idiot now.

Hip Hip Hooray!

Four and a half subjects of my SPM is finally over!!! Now all i gotta do is just study for my other remaining ones. I sooo can't wait for this exams to be over with then i can finally spend some time with my love ones! I'm gonna go for a movie marathon and shopping spree with Manda, Melia and maybe the guys too? I'm not sure about the plans yet as everyone is also super busy with their own stuff. But Amelia's gonna do some little 'experiments' with my nails! HAHA, i'm just gonna be her hand model for her manicure channel during the holidays. And i'm gonna be spending my Mondays with Justin as he's busy with work. Hmmm, once a week is better than none. (:

Ohh right, i'm also gonna do some vigorous exercises with Amelia during the holidays. I've put on weight!!! NOOO! Need to shed some pounds! And prom's just around the corner yo! Extra inspiration to lose weight, haha.

Congratulations on being able to qualify for AFC! I know you've placed a lot of effort and hard work into making this dream come true. You have my full support and i'm happy for you. (:

I wouldn't want anyone else

I'll be there for you no matter what and i wont judge you. You don't like the feeling of being pushed aside right? Well, i don't like it too. ): Please tell me if something is wrong, i'll do my best to help you out alright?





Love,
Your very worried girlfriend.

Me + You = Happy Happy

This might be me being paranoid, but i get this feeling that you're avoiding me. You seem to either reply me with short messages or just don't reply me at all. I just hope that you're too busy and not still angry at me. I don't want to be a clingy or jealous type of girl cause i know that'll just be bad. So i wont mind if you throw me a side for a little while but do me one favor when you plan to do that? Tell me? Please? I don't want to compare myself to an animal but i guess like a puppy, show me some love and kindness and I'll be by your side no matter what? Even if you abandon me I'll still return to your side and give you unconditional love? Being loyal means a lot to me. I can have a lot of male friends but you're the only one i truly love and think about all the time.




Justin Christopher Yap Zi Xian, remember that i'm not pushing you aside and i want you to be with me for as long as can be alright? Bear in mind and keep in your heart that i love you. (:

Puffy eyes and stuffy nose

OHH MAIIII SHITTTT!! 17 DAYS TILL SPM!!! Paniccc!! Grrr!!!

Anyway, lets just forget about the exams for a little while. Went to Taylor's lakeside campus and Monash with Justin, Jordan, their dad and another family friend of theirs yesterday. Taylor's was so nice and the surroundings were great as well. A little pricy for me but you gotta pay a little more to get the best right? It goes the same for relationships too, its moments of heartache that makes the relationship stronger once they're solved. I guess you just won't feel right if everything just went smoothly all the way, you'll definitely reach a point where something will go wrong but if both people work together to solve that tiny little problem, it'll soon work out again.

Nothing in life would or should come easy, because you'll appreciate it more if you have to really work your ass off to gain it. I really messed up big time yesterday, it was my fault that it all happened. There's no point in writing it here but if you're reading this(you should know who you are) please know that i will never repeat that mistake again. I know you take promises really seriously and i won't go back on my words for this because i care for you too much to ever want to lose you. And the thought of losing you again just kills me, like seriously. I know its going to take some time for you to get over this and you probably wont be fully over it and i honestly don't blame you at all. But no matter what happens, remember that i love you. I really truly do. And thank you once again for a second chance to redeem myself. It means much more to me than you could ever imagine. Bear in mind that whether you can cook or not doesn't change the fact that i love you alright. I love you for you and i don't care what people think of it. I may be called daft but who cares?! Its my life and i have the rights to make my own decisions. So boohoo to the people out there who says it won't work out for us!

Ps: I woke up this morning with like single eyelids, and huge eyes. HAHA, i looked really really weird. :/

Faith, trust and pixie dust.

Ohh wow, it's been more than 2 year since I've last updated this blog. That's a super long time! Anyway, my life since the last post has been like a roller coaster. Dramas, conflicts, issues, quarrels, well you get my point. At least most of those problems were solved. :D Miscommunication can really screw up a person's life. I've sadly learnt that the hard way. Sigh.

It's hard to keep smiling all the time when what you really want is just to cry. I have friends that cared and i recently got a new one. I honestly never knew that he cared but he seems to notice some little details that no one else does. Its funny how things can change all of a sudden sometime. Best friends become enemies, acquaintances become close friends and friends becoming a coupe. But i guess that's part of life and part of growing up right? Nothings permanent and it'll constantly change whether you want them or not, but just because life works that way, it doesn't mean that you should just kick back and let whatever happen just happen. Work for what you want, work to keep that long friendship going, work towards your goals. Okay, its starting to sound like some motivational talk right now. Well i can be super hyper and cheerful one moment but also moody and irritated the next. But for one thing though, that habit has improved, so my mood swings ain't that bad now. (:

Something else that's bugging me now are my SPM! PANICC!!! AHHH! 1 more month to go, so after this post I'll probably stop blogging for some time again.

I recently got back with my ex after more than 2 years. Its hard to explain how it all happened again but i have no regrets. (: Some people might not trust him because of his past and all but i believe in second chances and he said that he's a changed man, so yeah. My best friend gave me a second chance when I screwed up so why not give him a chance to prove himself?

He's a great chef even though he's young and i have friends that asked me do i like him because of the fame. Obviously its a no. I wouldn't care if he's just a normal guy without his whole future planned out. And yes, he sorta already has everything planned. I guess you can say that he's the type that's prepared for what life has to throw at him, but sometimes he can suddenly change and just be this cute and hyperactive little 7 year old kid. That's the cute side of him, and its nice being with him. (:

Honestly, i still cant help but ask myself the same question over and over again. Questions like why me? Why not her? And some others but, I shouldn't compare with other people right? If he says he likes me for just being me, i should just believe him and be happy. I've actually asked him why he likes me countless times and even i find myself annoying. Haha, sorry Justin. But no worries, that was the past and I've stopped asking him that and I'm just enjoying the time spent with him. And i guess I'm actually going to school a little more than i expected. I would just probably go to school like once a week or even better, not go at all. But since he's going and i kinda wanna see him I've actually gone more often. TeeHee. (:

I would really like to write more but apprently, nothing seems to be coming into my mind. :/ Ohh well, until next time then. Byeeeeeeee!