Je veux juste un amour qui durera♥

The big ball of sunshine you usually see is already fading right before your very eyes.

2012-01-10T01:19:00.000-08:00

Maybe its just me but somehow there's a lingering feeling of loneliness in me these days. SPM is over and college hasn't started yet so i should be enjoying my free time but instead why am i having this feeling of dread? Life just seems to be getting more and more lonely once i've grown up. I've faced challenges that mostly everyone has also been through but sometimes it feels like i'm still stuck there and not moving on. Sure things are said to be going fine but deep down are you really able to forgive and forget? I think not. Everyone makes mistakes and the right thing to do is to apologise and ask for forgiveness but at the end of the day its whether the person you've just hurt is able to forgive you. Sure if your mistake is something as light as accidentally tripping her/him and making them fall, it'll definitely be easily forgiven. But what if the mistake goes beyond that? Lying, not admitting that you're wrong, pushing that person away and allowing stupid idiotic rumors get to you before even hearing their explanation? Is that something worth forgiving? Even if you have a really big heart and you treasure that person dearly, yes you still say. You still would forgive them, but i'm 99.99999 percent sure that the nice, kind, loyal, loving perception you have for that person would change. People might think that the close relationship remains but deep down, you and the other party would be the only one to know that the relationship can never be the same. Hmmm, even after typing it out, i'm still bugged by something. I dont really know what it is but it feels horrible and i hate it.

I know i say things like i want to live my life with no regrets but sometimes things just hit me! Like BAM! Why did you have to say that shit? Why did you have to do that crap? Is that really necessary? Why did you have to make someone feel worse than how they already feel? Why cant you just please people? What gives you the right to get angry? Cant you just keep your mouth shut? Who are you to him? How does she feel about you now? WHY DID YOU HAVE YOU MAKE THAT IDIOTIC MISTAKE?

Its funny how people come to me when they have problems and i can talk to them and reason with them. I can even give some killer advises sometimes, but the thing i dont get is, why cant i take those advises myself? Or rather, why cant i go to someone and talk things out when i have problem? All i do is cry myself to sleep, what the fuck does that do huh? How will that help me with my unsolved problems? It cant! I feel so useless and hopeless sometimes.

And for a person that has considerably big eyes, i can be pretty blind. -.- Not just about looking at how someones true self is but in finding physical things. An object i'm looking for can be right in front of me but i wont be able to see it. I guess my eyes are sometimes just there as a decorative piece. Hmmm, ohh well. Life is such.

2012-01-09T23:39:00.000-08:00

I feel like an idiot now.

Hip Hip Hooray!

2011-11-18T12:25:00.000-08:00

Four and a half subjects of my SPM is finally over!!! Now all i gotta do is just study for my other remaining ones. I sooo can't wait for this exams to be over with then i can finally spend some time with my love ones! I'm gonna go for a movie marathon and shopping spree with Manda, Melia and maybe the guys too? I'm not sure about the plans yet as everyone is also super busy with their own stuff. But Amelia's gonna do some little 'experiments' with my nails! HAHA, i'm just gonna be her hand model for her manicure channel during the holidays. And i'm gonna be spending my Mondays with Justin as he's busy with work. Hmmm, once a week is better than none. (:

Ohh right, i'm also gonna do some vigorous exercises with Amelia during the holidays. I've put on weight!!! NOOO! Need to shed some pounds! And prom's just around the corner yo! Extra inspiration to lose weight, haha.

Congratulations on being able to qualify for AFC! I know you've placed a lot of effort and hard work into making this dream come true. You have my full support and i'm happy for you. (:

I wouldn't want anyone else

2011-11-02T00:40:00.000-07:00

I'll be there for you no matter what and i wont judge you. You don't like the feeling of being pushed aside right? Well, i don't like it too. ): Please tell me if something is wrong, i'll do my best to help you out alright?

Love,
Your very worried girlfriend.

Me + You = Happy Happy

2011-10-29T00:40:00.000-07:00

This might be me being paranoid, but i get this feeling that you're avoiding me. You seem to either reply me with short messages or just don't reply me at all. I just hope that you're too busy and not still angry at me. I don't want to be a clingy or jealous type of girl cause i know that'll just be bad. So i wont mind if you throw me a side for a little while but do me one favor when you plan to do that? Tell me? Please? I don't want to compare myself to an animal but i guess like a puppy, show me some love and kindness and I'll be by your side no matter what? Even if you abandon me I'll still return to your side and give you unconditional love? Being loyal means a lot to me. I can have a lot of male friends but you're the only one i truly love and think about all the time.

Justin Christopher Yap Zi Xian, remember that i'm not pushing you aside and i want you to be with me for as long as can be alright? Bear in mind and keep in your heart that i love you. (:

Puffy eyes and stuffy nose

2011-10-28T14:18:00.000-07:00

OHH MAIIII SHITTTT!! 17 DAYS TILL SPM!!! Paniccc!! Grrr!!!

Anyway, lets just forget about the exams for a little while. Went to Taylor's lakeside campus and Monash with Justin, Jordan, their dad and another family friend of theirs yesterday. Taylor's was so nice and the surroundings were great as well. A little pricy for me but you gotta pay a little more to get the best right? It goes the same for relationships too, its moments of heartache that makes the relationship stronger once they're solved. I guess you just won't feel right if everything just went smoothly all the way, you'll definitely reach a point where something will go wrong but if both people work together to solve that tiny little problem, it'll soon work out again.

Nothing in life would or should come easy, because you'll appreciate it more if you have to really work your ass off to gain it. I really messed up big time yesterday, it was my fault that it all happened. There's no point in writing it here but if you're reading this(you should know who you are) please know that i will never repeat that mistake again. I know you take promises really seriously and i won't go back on my words for this because i care for you too much to ever want to lose you. And the thought of losing you again just kills me, like seriously. I know its going to take some time for you to get over this and you probably wont be fully over it and i honestly don't blame you at all. But no matter what happens, remember that i love you. I really truly do. And thank you once again for a second chance to redeem myself. It means much more to me than you could ever imagine. Bear in mind that whether you can cook or not doesn't change the fact that i love you alright. I love you for you and i don't care what people think of it. I may be called daft but who cares?! Its my life and i have the rights to make my own decisions. So boohoo to the people out there who says it won't work out for us!

Ps: I woke up this morning with like single eyelids, and huge eyes. HAHA, i looked really really weird. :/

Faith, trust and pixie dust.

2011-10-13T23:25:00.000-07:00

Ohh wow, it's been more than 2 year since I've last updated this blog. That's a super long time! Anyway, my life since the last post has been like a roller coaster. Dramas, conflicts, issues, quarrels, well you get my point. At least most of those problems were solved. :D Miscommunication can really screw up a person's life. I've sadly learnt that the hard way. Sigh.

It's hard to keep smiling all the time when what you really want is just to cry. I have friends that cared and i recently got a new one. I honestly never knew that he cared but he seems to notice some little details that no one else does. Its funny how things can change all of a sudden sometime. Best friends become enemies, acquaintances become close friends and friends becoming a coupe. But i guess that's part of life and part of growing up right? Nothings permanent and it'll constantly change whether you want them or not, but just because life works that way, it doesn't mean that you should just kick back and let whatever happen just happen. Work for what you want, work to keep that long friendship going, work towards your goals. Okay, its starting to sound like some motivational talk right now. Well i can be super hyper and cheerful one moment but also moody and irritated the next. But for one thing though, that habit has improved, so my mood swings ain't that bad now. (:

Something else that's bugging me now are my SPM! PANICC!!! AHHH! 1 more month to go, so after this post I'll probably stop blogging for some time again.

I recently got back with my ex after more than 2 years. Its hard to explain how it all happened again but i have no regrets. (: Some people might not trust him because of his past and all but i believe in second chances and he said that he's a changed man, so yeah. My best friend gave me a second chance when I screwed up so why not give him a chance to prove himself?

He's a great chef even though he's young and i have friends that asked me do i like him because of the fame. Obviously its a no. I wouldn't care if he's just a normal guy without his whole future planned out. And yes, he sorta already has everything planned. I guess you can say that he's the type that's prepared for what life has to throw at him, but sometimes he can suddenly change and just be this cute and hyperactive little 7 year old kid. That's the cute side of him, and its nice being with him. (:

Honestly, i still cant help but ask myself the same question over and over again. Questions like why me? Why not her? And some others but, I shouldn't compare with other people right? If he says he likes me for just being me, i should just believe him and be happy. I've actually asked him why he likes me countless times and even i find myself annoying. Haha, sorry Justin. But no worries, that was the past and I've stopped asking him that and I'm just enjoying the time spent with him. And i guess I'm actually going to school a little more than i expected. I would just probably go to school like once a week or even better, not go at all. But since he's going and i kinda wanna see him I've actually gone more often. TeeHee. (:

I would really like to write more but apprently, nothing seems to be coming into my mind. :/ Ohh well, until next time then. Byeeeeeeee!

la la la

2009-06-18T23:36:00.000-07:00

Sorry for not blogging for a long time again. I'm just too lazy to type. xD Anyway my Buddhist society had a singing competition last saturday at Shah Alam Buddhist Society (SABS). So i had to go for the rehearsal at 10 in the morning cause our competition starts at 2 pm. We're singing in a group. There were 6 of us which was Vanese, Melinda, Ailsa, Aida, me and Jia Wei(our guitarist). Sorry but I'm not going to write more about our rehearsal cause nothing much happened at that time we were all just singing. After rehearsals we had to car pull to go to our competition site so me, Melinda, Ailsa sat in Jia wei and his dad's car. And his dad had this really cool PDA with the navigation map that talks!!
Ailsa and Melinda couldn't stop laughing and saying stuffs like "omg that is so cool , ahhhh, it talks" and more. I was too sleppy to actually care about it, haha. It was raining when we reached SABS so we were all wet when we got out of the car. So after that, we had our first and last rehearsal on the actual stage with the mics and all, but unfortunately when it was our turn, we had ALOT of problems with the mics and our key board and Jia Wei got really pissed by that. It was the first time i actually saw that guy get angry, he's usually the happy-go-lucky type of guy. But after awhile he was back to his normal self. After our turn for the reahearsal on stage, the girls had to go change and do our make-up and our teachers had to put extra make-up cause she said we would look too pale if we went on stage. We kept telling the teachers that they put too much make-up on us but they just kept repeating "you would look too pale if you went on stage without make-up" So after all the lip stick and masqera, our group when to find a nice spot to rehears. And half way during rehearsal Jia Wei started playing 'You and Me by lifehouse' on his guitar. I got the last part of him singing you and me then he started playing love story and Melinda sang along.

Tagged by amanda and elysia AGAIN.

2009-05-28T07:29:00.000-07:00

Omg, this is going to be longggggg. 100 thuths about myself.

001. Real name: Freda Tan Ern Wei

002. Nickname(s): Duck!!

003. Age: 15 this year 2009.

004. Horoscope: Capricorn

005. Male or Female: Female

006. Elementary: Eden

007. Middle School: S.J.K (c) Yuk Chai

008. High School: S M K Damansara Jaya.

009. College school:Not yet

010. Hair colour: Brownish black

011. Long or short: long

012.Loud or Quiet: i think i'm loud

013. Sweats or Jeans: Jeans

014. Phone or Camera: BOTH

015. Health freak: Not really.

016. Drink or Smoke: None

017. Do you have a crush on someone: Yeah

018. Eat or Drink: Both

019. Piercings: Only on my ear

020. Tattoos: No thanks

021. Social or Anti-Social:A little of both

022. Righty or Lefty: Righty!.

023. First piercing: when i was in standard 2

024. First relationship: Npt telling. =]

025. First Best Friend: I cant remember

026. First Award: Sports day in kindergarten.

027. First Kiss: my dear mommy.

028. First Pet: Fish!

029. First Big Vacation: Cant remember.

030. First Love at first sight: =]

031. First Big Birthday: I'm not sure

032. First Surgery: Nope

033. First sport you joined: i donno

034. Orange or Apple Juice: Apple

035. Rock or Rap: mostly none

036. Country or Screamo: Country.

037. NSYNC or Backstreet boys: Backstreet boys

038. Britney spears or Christina Aguilera: Both

039. Night or Day: both.

040. Sun or Moon: Moon

041. TV or Internet: Both!.

042. PlayStation or xbox: whats xbox?

043. Kiss or hug: Both. its nice. =]

044. Iguana or turtle: Turlte

045. Spider or bee: none

046. Fall or spring: Spring

047. Limewire or iTunes:i dont use any.

048. Soccer or basketseball: basketball.

049. Eating: Anything.

050. Drinking: Anything

051. Excitement level: a little of both, see my mood.

052. I'm about to: Do my geo project

053. Listening to: Its not easy - five for fighting

054. Plan for today: have a little fun. =]

055. Waiting for: Bed time

056. Energy level: right now its low.

057. Thinking of someone: yeah

058. Want kids: yeah

059. Want to get married: Of course, who doesn't???

060. When: In the future.

061. How many kids do you want: I would like to have twins, so that makes it 2. =]

062. Any names in mind: some.

063. What did you want to be when you were little: haha. a teacher!! but not anymore.

064. Careers in mind: yeah

065. Follow future or wild: Both.

066. Something you would never try: killing people.

067. When do you want to die: When i'm suppose to.

what do you prefer in a boy/girl

068. Lips or Eyes: Eyes

069. Romantic or Funny: both

070. Shorter or Taller: Taller .

071. Protective or Caring: Caring

072. Romantic or Spontaneous: Both.

073. Nice Stomach or Nice Arms: Stomach

074. Sensitive or Loud: Sensitive.

075. Hooked-up or Relationship: Relationship!.

076. Trouble Maker or Hesitant: None.

077. Muscular or Normal: Muscular

078. Kissed a stranger: nope

079. Broken a bone: Nope.

080. Lost glasses or contacts: No, but one it broke. =]

081. Ran away from home: No

082. Held a gun/knife for self defense: Nahh

083. Killed somebody: Noooooooo way.

084. Broken some one's heart: erm...

085. Had your heart broken: yeah

086. Been arrested: No

087. Cried when someone died: yea...

088. Liked a friend more than a friend: It happened before.

089. Yourself: what??

090. Miracles: I've lived so long.

091. Love at first sight: I dont think it can be called love. But said that someone is hot, then yeah.

092. Heaven: I wonder can i go there. Who knows? =]

093. Santa Claus: I dont think he exist, never got a present from him before.

094. Tooth fairy: Never tried to put a tooth under my pillow, so i'm not sure.

095. Kiss in the first date: secret.

096. Angels: yeah

097. Is there 1 person you want to be with right now?: yeah. but i know it wont happen.

098. Are you seriously happy with where you're in life now? : quite, but it can be better. =]

099. Do you believe in God? : yeah.

100. Post as 100 truths and tag 6 people: i tagged

1.camey
2.lee ann
3.jae nee
4.cecilia
5.ooi giap
6.shirley

tagged by amanda and elysia.

2009-05-28T07:15:00.000-07:00

1. Who are you?
Freda Tan Ern Wei

2. Are we friends?
Of course

3. When and how did we meet?
We were in the class in form 1

4. Did you like me at all?
Yeah.

5. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
Amanda: Banana, cause you're chinese and you dont go for chinese class
ELysia" SUN SHINE, but i cant remember why.

6. Describe me in one word.
Funfull

7. What was your first impression?
Amanda: WEIRD =]
Elysia: smiley =]

8. Do you still think that way about me now?
Yup

9. What reminds you of me?
Anything yellow, cause the sun and bananas are both yellow.

10. If you could give me anything what would it be?
Amanda: him
Elysia: A phone

11. How well do you know me?
I'm not sure about that.

12. When's the last time you saw me?
This afternoon in school.

13. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
Not really, you guys know alot about me. =]

14. Are you going to post this in your notes and see what I say about you?
Not really.

15. What is my best attribute?
Amanda: your happy-go-lucky mood
Elysia: your beautiful smile.

YAYYYYYYYYYYYY. =]

2009-05-28T07:10:00.000-07:00

Exams are finally over, so relief. But the exams this term were pretty hard. Maths was the worst, there was not enough time alot of people dint manage to finish it, even some from the good classes.
But at least its over *for now* Pmr's on the way and i'm sure its gonna be worst than our mid terms. So i'll hard to study. =[ Ohh well.

Update.

2009-05-08T08:13:00.000-07:00

I know i've not be updating my blog for a longgggggggggg time. So i'm just going to write about the very fun wednesday i had. Amanda and i skipped rumah sukan on that day cause not much of our friends were going. When we went to the cantin we saw Win Ken and some other guy (i dont know his name) then a few minutes later Guang Rong and Kok Ian came too. so we were playing and jumping around. It was so fun. Then suddenly amanda wanted to marry a post in the cantin so Guang Rong became our priest and then the weeding started. I'll post the video at the botton of this post, it was really funny and everyone kept laughing. After our whole weeding ceremony amanda and i started to use my bottle to wet Win Ken's pants, i'm not sure why we kept doing that. But he ended up taking off his pants but dont worry he was wearing another pants inside. So he was actually wearing 3 pieces of clothing. That was actually a very fun afternoon. =]
Amanda's weeding.

Win Ken taking off his pants. =]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

2009-04-17T07:13:00.001-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMANDAHappy 15th birhday banana. You're another year older. Haha, and its not an insult, its a good thing. Its really nice and fun being your friend even you do have some bad habbits, but i'm sure i can live with those habbits. I think it will be kinda boring if you were perfect. And i'm sure i'll be giving you your present late cause i have no idea on what to give you. I'm still thinking. =] And you're the best friend i've ever had. And0 even if we agrue alot i know that arguement wont last long because we will always say sorry and also because our topics are always stupid ones. I know i can trust you with all of my secrets and thank you for doing the same too. I really hope that our friendship can last long and i hope that we dont become enemies next time. Well thats all i'm going to say about you for now. And once again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMANDA. And i'll always love you as a friend. =]

dress up time!!!!!

2009-04-10T08:10:00.000-07:00

Its my second post, but i want to post about wed cause it was really fun !!! Shirley, Amanda and i were invited to Crysal's house to try on some of the dresses for the movie making project. We are doing titanic so the girls will have to wear dresses. Anyway, when school started all the malay students and teachers were asked to go to the hall for some celebration or something like that. Then the rest of us were suppose to stay in class and do moral (very boring). But during the first few periods i went to amanda's class(3 penaga) to talk about the movie making stuff. And amazingly teacher dint even realize i was gone and i was 'pengerusi' for the day. haha. I satyed in amanda's class for some time then i decided to take my bag to her class and stay there for the rest of the day. But we amanda and i went back to my class(3 ramin) a teacher came and asked my whole class to pack their bags and go to 3 meranti. as we wanted to walk, the teacher saw 2 bags still in the chair so teacher asked around where the 2 boys were. The teacher told me and amanda to bring the bags to her table and told the other students to tell the 2 boys to find her if they wanted their bags back. When we were in the pejabat, puan marry ann wanted amanda and i to help her with some stuff. Amanda wanted me to bring her bag to my class because she was scared that the teacher might want amanda's class to move too. So i told puan marry i had to go to the toilet but instead i went to amanda's class to take her bag and put it in my class. Then later when everything was done it was time for recess. Then i went back to amanda's class after rescess. a few minutes after the bell rang, lee ann came to 3 penaga and told me that the teacher in 3 meranti was looking for me and asking me to go back to class. I was kinda scared at that point, i dint know what was i suppose to tell the teacher. So when i got to class i just told the teacher i was in the toilet, and she just let me pass. =]

Then finally school was over but i finished 35 minutes before amanda. hahaha. Crystal's father came to pick us up from school but we had to walk back later. So when we reached her house the first thing we saw was her..... doggie!!! sparky (i think thats how you spell it) it was sooooo cute and hyper, it kinda reminds me of amanda haha. Amanda is always in a good mood. so after everything we went to crystals room and tried the dresses. Most of the dresses were crsytal's. and some of them looked good on amanda and some looked good on shirley. But sadly shirley cant find any dress that suits her character in the movie. so we'll have to keep looking.

After trying all the dresses, we decided to act stupid and making our self look like fools, but it was so fun. I'm still not sure on how to put the pictures up, so you guys will have to go to amanda's blog to see them. And after we took the pictures amanda and i made this video she was acting like a cat and i was acting like a dog. It was really funny. And all 4 of use could not help laughing at that video. And its also posted in amanda's blog.

So i guess that will be all i'm going to post for now. And thank you crystal for inviting us to your house, it was really fun and i loveddddd your dog. =]

first.

2009-04-10T08:07:00.000-07:00

hey guys, its my first time blogging. so dont get angry if its boring. i'll try to improve as fast as possible. =]